The Ugly Necklace Contest

Land of Odds : Sixth Annual, 2008
The Ugly Necklace Contest
A Jewelry Design Competition With A Twist
...GO VOTE & EVALUATE...

Lynn Margaret Davy
from Colehill, Wimborne, Dorset, ENGLAND

"I Let Our Love Sing - F(orte)"

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Wearing

POEM

I Let Our Love Sing - F(orte)

Once upon a blowtorch an artist made a pig.
A pretty pink color, and not very big.
She took one look at him and said "Bad luck,
But your face looks like it was squashed by a truck,"

I tried my best, but this hideous creation
Will destroy my perfectionist reputation.
There's nothing I can do, you've turned out so ugly,
I'm afraid you're what lampworkers call: "A FUGLY!"

Upon another workbench some aliens appeared.
Green, blue, spotty, distinctly weird!
"Oh dear," said their maker, "You didn't turn out right!"
And she hid them in her Fugly Box out of sight.

Every maker has a Fugly Box, dark and quiet,
With Fuglies who'd escape if they only dared try it.
They dream of being made into jewelry someday,
But for this hopeless lot there seemed just no way...

BUT THEN...

Mad beader Lynn had a great idea
To make an Ugly Necklace that will WIN this year!
On a lampworkers' forum she put up a post:
"Your Fugliest Beads are what I want the most!"

Beadmakers are a lovely and generous crew;
They donated wonky rainbows and burnt trees too,
And green shapeless lumps that beggared belief
And looked like what you'd find in your handkerchief!

Lynn's Fugly Collection became world-class:
So much hideousness made of glass!
Mutant birds, floppy flowers, bent butterflies,
Lots of things with no noses or too many eyes.

But still Lynn was missing the vital theme
To realize her Ugly Necklace dream.
Then up popped a plastic knitting charm and said "Look, stupid,
Just put me in your Fugly Box and I'll play Cupid!"

It was Valentine's Day, there was romance in the air,
And the Fuglies got together, pair by pair,
Car Crash Piggy was the first to leap
Into happy union with No-Nose Sheep.

The Green and the Blue Aliens were naturally matched
And Red Bird and LadyBird were easily attached;
But some of the other ones were very much harder,
Just too Fugly to inspire much ardour!

Pink Warty Alien and Snoblob Person
Their Fugly looks had just been cursin'
But now they're an item, and right nearby
Blue Lizard Bead Sitting Thingy fell for Butterfly.

Jaundiced Kidlet is quite new on the block
And Tonsured Baby thinks she rocks!
In her new wire necklace he finds her quite beguiling --
And believe it or not, her yellow face is smiling!

Mutant Dragon Budgie went hopping around
To see whether tru love by him could be found
Now he's enjoying a cuddle and a snog
With bulging, bug-eyed Splat-Mouthed Frog.

Last and loneliest, the Goddess heard a humming.
A one-eyed mutant like a Dalek was coming!
"My Eye!" he cried, "I do declare
You look like Homer Simpson -- but I DO NOT CARE!"

So now they'll be together till the end of time,
Lynn stitched romantic charms for them and wrote this rhyme.
Even REVOLTING FUGLIES can be by love transformed --
Now I LET OUR LOVE SING -- F(orte)
And let your heart be warmed!

Front View

Close Up

Clasp Assembly
Swivel Lanyard

MATERIALS LIST:

* Size 9 Czech seed beads -- could be described as 'metallic silver' although 'slightly shiny dirty gray' would also come close -- in interlocking 'links' of right angle weave to make a giant-sized charm bracelet or person-sized clunky necklace.
* Assorted size 8 seed beads, cubes, triangles and other beads picked up from the floor, including lots of pretty pink ones to help the romantic theme along
* Fringe drops in my favorite lime green color
*Assorted pressed glass hearts and fire polished rounds
* Swarovski crystal 4mm bicones, light rose -- you have to have 'swaros' with lampwork, nothing else sits in the holes quite so neatly, and they add a lovely inappropriate touch of delicate sparkle and prettiness to these truly hideous beads
* FireLine 4 lb test, smoke color -- ugly but tough thread, which I chose because, believe it or not, I want this piece to last!
* Carabiner bag charm clip, silver plated -- the only thing I could find tough enough to hold the thing together -- my superbly ugly handcrafted wire clasp just broke
* Keyrings, nickel plated, holding on some bunches of charms whose wire wrapped loops were too small to go over the seed beading
* Enameled copper craft wire in various colors that don't match the beads at all, wrapped (badly) and twisted into heart-shaped charms, each decorated with a pair of figures or animals that seemed to want to be together forever
* Silver plated head pins and jump rings
* Sterling silver tag that proclaims this as my own original work, though quite why anybody would want to put their name on this I'm not sure...
* The odd plastic heart and flower bead in pretty colors
* Plastic 'knitting yarn' charm -- although it's not particularly charming, it's done a pretty good job of playing Cupid to this bunch of no-hopers
* Plastic letter beads in a charm that spells out the title of the piece... which is of course an anagram of 'Revolting Fuglies'
* And of course the Fuglies themselves. What is a Fugly, you ask? Well, it is a technical term for an art glass bead that has turned out, erm, VERY ugly despite its maker's best efforts. It might be burned, or lopsided, or have bad holes, or it might just be plain hideous. Most beadmakers have a 'Fugly Box' full of beads that were destined never to see the light of day again... until now! This necklace contains 42 of the UK's very finest specimens, generously donated by beadmakers who have asked to remain anonymous to spare their blushes. (But you all know who you are!) From clip to loop, the principal stars in this romantic drama are:

oo The Blue Aliens
oo The Butterfly and the Blue 1 1/2-eyed Lizard Thingy (who sits on an eye bead to compensate for the missing 1/2)
oo The Pink Warty Alien and the Snowblob Person
oo Splatmouth Frog and the Mutant Dragon Budgie
oo Jaundiced Kidlet and the Tonsured Baby (who would have been a boy were it not for an unfortunate torching accident...)
oo The Dalek and the Goddess (whose butt is cute but whose other attributes give her an unfortunate resemblance to Homer Simpson)
oo Two little birdies... well, one is definitely a birdie, the other may be a ladybug of some kind
oo Car Crash Piggy and the Sheep with No Nose
oo The Three-eyed Green Aliens: 'Take me to your Beader!'
oo And a romantic assortment of hearts, trees, flowers, even a rainbow... plus some utter horrors including the Pink Blob and the Bogey Bead... all carefully chosen for individual hideousness as well as colors that are as vile as possible when placed side by side.

(Now what on earth am I going to do with all the ones that didn't make the final cut?)

...GO VOTE & EVALUATE...

Lynn Margaret Davy
from Colehill, Wimborne, Dorset, ENGLAND

"I Let Our Love Sing - F(orte)"