Land of Odds : Fourth Annual, 2006
The Ugly Necklace Contest
A Jewelry Design Competition With A Twist 

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MATERIALS LIST:

Vinyl lacing for the foundation. (I chose the "glow-in-the-dark" variety so I could see the necklace at night in case I wake up pining for Miss Kitty.)
Translucent plastic alphabet beads. Ingeniously, I strung them upside-down so that I can read their heart-warming message anytime. Not everyone would think of doing this. But that's why I'm a designer.
Heart-shaped plastic beads in pink, white and red, which signify my enduring love for Miss Kitty.
A variety of colorful plastic pony beads. They are pleasing to the eye, but not nearly as attractive as Miss Kitty was.
Round wooden beads. These work to add a sense of movement and vibrancy to the necklace (also I ran out of pony beads).
Colorful safety pins, paper clips, twist ties and embroidery floss as fasterners. Unusual, atpyical -- outrageously creative.
A tinfoil ball Miss Kitty loved to play with, held on with a paper clic, the color of which matches the ball. (This skillful harmonizing colors is known as design artistry.)
A wood angel expertly colored with markers and enhanced with glitter glue, to watch over Miss Kitty while she flies around Kitty Heaven playing her Kitty Harpsichord. I drew the face myself. I think it's quite good.
Miss Kitty's favorite jingle ball. Its deligthful tinkling adds a dimension of souce to the necklace, engaging the senses in a way no ordinary jewelry could. This aspect alone transforms a simple handmade design to one of tremendous artistic excellence.
The actual thread used in the stitches when Miss Kitty was spayed. Some of my colleagues claim it's repugnant to keep such a thing (while others insist it's clearly a fake made by rubbing dental floss on a brown inkpad), but there is no souvenir insignifcant enough to be overlooked. A gold "happy face" charm adds to its classic appeal.
An endearing photo of Miss Kitty glued onto an actual cat food can lid. (Can you stand the ingenuity???) I punched holes around the edge of the lid, strung beautiful fibers through the holes and painted the rim gold. The alphabet beads spell "meow meow." Because Miss Kitty said "meow" a lot.
Miss Kitty's precious tail. I try not to think too much about the tragic circumstance that led to its amputation. But it was just too cute to part with, so I had it made into a keychain. Miss Kitty used to go wild when she'd here my keys in the door.
Another fabulous photo of MIss Kitty. (Wasn't she just the most adorable thing?) I glued the picture onto a plastic lid, cut it into a heart shape and glued dazzling pink and lavender beads around the edge. One fell off somewhere, but that's okay; the missing bead doesn't detract at all from the overall effect. In fact, I find the piece is much more vibrant due to this unexpected asymmetry. (If you don't know what "unexpected asymmetry" is, may I suggest a good art course, perhaps at your local community college.)
A bit of the carpet that once graced the living room of my apartment, which Miss Kitty utilized daily for sharpening her claws. This particular piece is especially precious; it still has the stain from where she got sick after eating a cricket. (I scraped off the legs.) Now, as a hunk of carpet isn't excatly the most attractive thing in the world no matter how strong the sentimental attachment, I enhanced it with metal cat head charms, a rhinestone gem, and the same yarn and alphabet beads used on the cat food can lid. The addition of yarn and beads is particularly brilliant, as communal materials can bind disparate elements together to unify a piece into a cohesive, eye-pleasing form -- as any good designer can tell you.
Two of Miss Kitty's treasured catnip mice, held to the necklace with a colorful safety pin. I realize the pin doesn't match the mice as it would in a conventionally well-executed design. However, I decided in this instance to "shake things up" by using a different color pin. (This is known as artistic license.) I know you'll agree the effect is riveting.
A dainty tuft of fur. Miss Kitty had a wonderfully soft, fluffy coat, which she spent hours and hours grooming. I love to rub the fur on my cheek and pretend it's Miss Kitty herself giving me a cuddly-snuggly-wuggums. ( don't care what Dr. Sidhari says. There is nothing wrong with this.)
A clear plastic sun-catcher depicting a sweet little kitten playing with the ball. Normally one would render such an item in translucent paints; however, I opted instead to adhere gift wrap to the piece with a dramatic American flag design. (Few knew it, but Miss Kitty was extremely patriotic. She used to howl every time Proud to be an American played on the radio.) I further honored Miss Kitty's memory by coloring the eyes green and gluing on confetti letters spelling her nickname (which was "Kitty").
The actual chicken bone that led to Miss Kitty's demise. While some have argued that this is a gruesome object to include in a piece of memory jewelry, I contend it adds an essential sense of intimacy directly proportional to its former proximity to Miss Kitty's tender heart. In any event, the clever addition of cheerfully colored glitter transforms it from a melancholic reminder of her ultimate fate to an object of delight and beauty (a "happy bone," if you will, as opposed to, "instrument of death").
And finally, the piece de resistance (which, for those of you who don't know French, means "resistance is futile"): a solid gold statue of Miss Kitty with genuine emerald eyes. Okay, you caught me -- it's really just plaster painted gold with green faceted beads glued on. Did I fool you? Don't feel bad. Given my exceptional skill with a paintbrush, even my friends and family can't tell the difference. This particular piece is rife with symbolism. The gold paint is to signify that Miss Kitty was good as gold. (Or, possibly, worth her weight in gold.) The gold wire not only forms a hanger, but also serves to hold a "friends" charm -- because Miss Kitty and I were friends. (Get it?) And the gold wings convey her current status as a Kitty Angel. I realize not everyone has the time or inclination to study a piece in such depth, but you will find if you make the effort, there is no better feeling than when you can say at last: "Now I understand what the artist was trying to do."